who I like to refer to as my security blanket, I think I've made a decision about my current medical issue. Unless something crazy happens today and/or tomorrow, I am planning to cancel my CAT scan appointment that is scheduled for Monday morning. Besides being freaked out about what's been happening with my poor intestines, I've been becoming increasingly freaked out about the medications that I've been on, the medications I might end up on, and the invasiveness that comes with the tests. I feel like my system has been ridiculously stressed for the past couple of months, and given that I'm not literally dying right now, I'm questioning the benefit of giving it even more to deal with at the moment.
Part of this decision has stemmed from my telephone call to the specialist's office this past Thursday. I called upset and looking for guidance. I was struggling with the difficulty I was having with not being able to eat. I told them that I wasn't on vitamins, that I never worried about it since I had a well-rounded, healthy diet. Without being able to eat properly, I was starting to worry I wasn't getting the nutrition I needed. How concerned should I be? Did they have any suggestions? Should I start taking a vitamin? Were there any specific foods they thought I should try to eat? After the nurse talked to the doctor, she called back to simply tell me that if things got too bad, I should go to the emergency room. Nothing else. Nada. I've been puzzling ever since. I don't want to go to the hospital. I'm actively trying as hard as I can to avoid a trip to the emergency room. That's precisely a big part of the reason I called, to help prevent that from happening. <sigh>
If you know me at all, you know I am quite leery of typical modern-day medical practices and very suspicious of the slew of medications being prescribed for seemingly everything. That exchange with the doctor's office really got me to rethinking things. I've been desperate for someone to do something for me, but the truth is that most of these "someones" have more interest in treating symptoms than preventing them and fixing things once they become "too bad". I have absolutely no idea what caused this to happen. My GP suspects, since the C Diff test came back negative, that the introduction of the amoxicillin into my body must have sent my immune system into such a frenzy that it triggered colitis, and he might well be right. I don't know, and I'm not sure how much it matters at this point. I am where I am. I'm not feeling confident that I can depend on traditional medical doctors to help me try to address this in as gentle of a way for my body as I can, which is always the path I prefer. I hate the side effects of the antispasmodic / anti-ulcer medicine, and I can't even say they're worth it because they're allowing me to eat. Because they're not. I have severe dry mouth, congestion, a thick mucous lining in my throat, and blurred vision, and I still haven't been able to eat properly.
My friend Jinrong has been encouraging me for a while to read the support group forum posts by people who have had similar experiences. For a while, I didn't because I was clinging to hope that the problem would magically disappear. I finally starting looking at them, though, and not surprisingly I have found them to be very helpful. A couple of books in particular have received a lot of praise - Restoring Your Digestive Health and Breaking the Vicious Cycle. I've purchased both of them, and I'm starting with the former. I've also read a lot of other reviews of the book and I've been struck by how many people claimed that it, in many cases after years and years of suffering, changed their lives much more than any of the doctors and standard treatments were ever able to do.
So. . . I started thinking that I'd feel more comfortable if I gave myself an earnest shot at a more natural approach to healing my body before continuing down this traditional Western medicine route of pumping me full of drugs, feeding dye through my veins, etc. I'm up to the challenge to at least try. I've finished the second round of antibiotics, and I'm going to try weaning myself off of the anti-spasmodic medicine to see what happens. For now, I'm going to keep my February 14 appointment for the colonscopy and biopsy. If I haven't seen clear improvement by then, I'll still go. If I have seen clear improvement, I might cancel.
And Nancy thinks that's all okay. ;-) LOL